Self Confidence vs Self Esteem

Do you seek more self-confidence?  I googled “how to be more confident” and this is a sample of the top hits:

1. Taking control of your self-confidence. If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that?

2. Groom yourself

3. Dress nicely

4. Photoshop your self-image

5. Think positive

6. Kill negative thoughts

7. Get to know yourself

8. Act positive

Simple, right? The problem is some of these nifty hints rarely work and often are turned into self-shaming statements.

Recent research is showing that we are in a downward confidence and esteem spiral in that people are developing a preference for receiving a boost to their self-esteem via external sources such as social media versus a good meal or doing something they enjoy, such as listening to music, gardening or sex. 

So, what’s wrong with that?  External sources that increase self-confidence are temporary.  They wear off,  leaving us craving more, which leads to an ever increasing need to secure more of the “thing” that feeds your ego…more approval from someone else.   A feel good, deceptive circle dependent on other people and their opinions of you. 

What comes first for you? Self Confidence or Self Esteem?

Often used interchangeably, these are two very different parts of self.  

Self-confidence is the belief and feeling that you are capable and valuable by what you do and accomplish.  It can vary from situation to situation depending on how you perceive your skill level.  It is evidenced by prioritizing and adding to a list of accomplishments, which is then used to prove you have true value. 

Self-esteem is how much you care for yourself. It develops from your current and past experiences and situations. It is the sense and comfort that you like being yourself all day long.   It is evidenced by an acceptance and forgiveness of yourself and others. A bias toward hope, joy and delight.  Tolerance of risk due to resilience and belief that your setbacks will not permanently damage or diminish you. 

Self-confidence and self-esteem do not always go hand in hand. In particular, it is possible to be highly self-confident and yet to have profoundly low self-esteem, as is the case, for example, with many performers and celebrities, who can perform before an audience of thousands but then damage and even kill themselves with drugs or alcohol.

In my practice, the focus is on Authentic Self Esteem.  Establishing and developing a connection to your real self, your deepest level of being and source of peace, harmony, laughter, fun, and creativity.  A path to finding contentment with your purpose and life, today. 

This is what I believe to be happiness. An authenticity that can be felt from within.   A space that lets the good and bad of life flow through and around me, affecting me yes, but not derailing me from my purpose in life, living graciously and gratefully, day to day. 

Want to learn more? Register for Authentic Self Esteem Group:

A women's Group for strengthening connection to self and others.  Thursdays 1:00-2:00pm

Get the ball rolling by completing the interest form here and Lynn will reach out to explore the next steps.